Hey there's Gwen Stefani! Almost falling down the stairs in her high heels using Eve for balance! Wearing her husband's shirt with a leftover Christmas ribbon tied around it. I heart her, but her whole obsession with Japanese girls is so 1994.
Am I trapped in a time warp? Franz Ferdinand looks like every guy in my high school when I was a sophomore...in 1985. And the lead singer sounds kinda like Robert Smith. I have never seen them before since they don't play 80's rip-off artists on my "urban" radio station.
I can't look at John Mayer without hearing Jimmy Fallon in my head breathily singing, "Blah-blah-blah. Blah. Blah. Blaaaaaaaah."
Alicia Keys beat my girl Jill Scott? What?!?! What is the deal with Alicia Keys anyway. She totally over-souls in everything she sings. I dare her to sing a song without a run. (I know she's pretty! I get it!)
Ai carumba J. Lo. Honey, no one would have said a thing if you had just decided to lip-sync. Singing live? You? With Marc Anthony? That would like me challenging Lance Armstrong to a biking contest. (Speaking of, did Cheryl Crow borrow her dress from Lil Kim?)
To all southern rockers: The 70's happened, like, 40 years ago. Black leather vest over black t-shirt should be outlawed forever. Especially if the black t-shirt has alcohol or motorcycle logo on it. Or an eagle or falcon bird of any kind for that matter. Unless you are gay. Cuz "70's-gay-biker" is my favorite "genre" of gay guy.
Green Day wins and they stand up and flip off the camera? No. Punch Ricky Martin? No. Hug a bunch of 50 year-old, old-fart, music executive, dudes? Ding ding ding! Rawk and roll!
Queen Latifah sings jazz. So straight-ahead. So boring. Girl, what happened to U.N.I.T.Y.?
Quentin—empty your pockets before presenting an award. Leave the cell phone, camera, iPod, and keys backstage already. And Naughty by Nature called. They want their clothes back.
Rock on Melissa!
U2. You're tired. TI-YERD. Yeah, even you Edge. Mr. The Edge. That's hard for me to say, since back in the day, you were one of my favorite bands and I have enjoyed y'all live many times. Bono, that look was working for you in 1991 but you've been rockin' it for, like, 15 years now. Fire your stylist already. You are the Tom Cruise of the music world.
Group sing. Was anyone even on key? Was the collective age of everyone on stage "a finity?" That was for charity? Really. Cuz they ain't gonna raise a dime.
And, damn! I missed seeing Nancy O'Dell wearing Wendy's ugly dress.
