Portland has the dubious distiction of having more strip clubs per capita than any other city in the nation. And in Portland, they take it all off. So to de-virginize (as it were) a friend who moved here recently, the bitches decided it would be fun to take her to one of Portland's most beloved strip clubs, the Acropolis "Steakhouse." (Yes, they are also known for their $4 steaks, which ain't all that. I didn't think it was possible to get a rib-eye to taste like shoe leather. But I digress.)
Now, it was not my first time in a strip club, but it was my first time at a club where all patrons are essentially forced to sit ring-side. There were no tables off in the back which was kinda sucky because eight of us went out last night and we kinda wanted to talk. And we did go there to have dinner as well. (Can you see where I am headed with this?) The only place to eat your dinner was at the stage-side table, about 6 inches away from another woman's back porch (to quote a friend).
So, yeah. I can honestly say that never in my life have I eaten a baked potato close enough to a naked woman that I could count 20 separate labia piercings (and one, possibly two clit* rings), and I probably never will again.
* yes, J., I needed to say "clit"