Anyone else have an almost-four-year-old who is a ticking time bomb?
I never know what is going to set her off. A seemingly innocent question like, "Do you want some Cheerios?" can illicit arm-crossing complete with scowl followed by a huffy, "NO! I told you I HATE Cheerios!" (foot stamp) Which she doesn't, but does it matter?
Lately, with Bunny, I feel like I'm living in Austinian times. I need to spend half an hour buttering her up with niceties before I get down to the point of what needs to happen:
Good day Miss Bunny, how are you today? How is your sister? I pray she's well. And your parents? Are they fine, too? Yes? Excellent. I hear you were recently at preschool, how was that? A pleasant diversion, yes, yes. My that's a lovely dress you are wearing. The color suits you nicely. Did you choose it yourself? Well, you always had the most exquisite taste. Miss Bunny, I'm wondering if you would do me the honor of joining me for walk. The weather is lovely out. You would? I'm pleased. Now, may I help you put your sandals on?
NO! I 'fought' I told you! I HATE sandals.
"Three—part B" is definitely better than "Three—part A." As we approach four (in less than two months) her sometimes-abhorrent behavior is getting a little easier to handle. It's either that or I've learned to tuned it out.
She's trying to exert some control over her little world (which doesn't extend much beyond her shoes). Knowing when to let her "explore" and when to "reign her in" is sometimes difficult, but I try. Sometimes when she's acting out I might say, "That behavior is not appropriate because...," but then I let her continue it (as long as she isn't hurting anyone) because I'm too tired to fight with her. Other days, I'm more on-point. At the same time, I'm squeezing in little talks about behavior and feelings. About what makes people's hearts feel happy and what makes people's heart's feel sad, slowly laying down the foundation of empathy, self-awareness, and kindness.
We're also working on the ubiquitous "I message," as in "I don't like it when you when you leave your shoes in the middle of the entryway because I trip over them and I can hurt myself."
Bunny has become an expert at this and now says things like, "I don't like it when you put sauce on my pasta because it makes me want to frow-up." At least she gets the concept.
People tell me that four isn't much better. I think I finally am realizing (after almost four years) that every age has it's joyful moments and it's frustrating moments. Though between four and six months is pure, unadulterated joy. If only they could always be four-months-old...
J. and I had a lunch date yesterday and as we were chit-chatting about our girls over our sparkling waters, he looked across the table at me and said, "I think we should have another baby." I know what he means. There is nothing harder than parenting a child, but the rewards (if you can find them—some days it's hard) are so tremendous.
I'm not sure if another baby is in the cards for us right now. Despite my frustrations, deep down I'm actually enjoying the balance of Wallie's ebullience with Bunny's sensitivity. They are two such different (but not wildly so) girls.
Now that we've been through this stage with Bun, I am better prepared for what Wallie might (might!) throw our way. Could I do it three times? That's the question. I think we need to discuss this a little more.
But, oh! To cradle a teeny, tiny baby again!
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