Jenn Satterwhite's post about Pre-BlogHer Freakout Syndrome forced me to confront my (very surpressed) feelings that despite what I have been telling myself, I am kinda anxious about it. I don't have to pack or get on a plane, but I have to meet/mingle with/see, then pretend not to see, then quickly look away from women whose blogs I have been reading and commenting on for a long, long time.
Before I meet all you women-spilling-over-with-talent, I want you to know that I respect and admire you. I just won't remember your name. I'm like a picky child where you have to introduce the food 15 times before they will eat it. I need to meet you 15 times before your name sinks in. I am really bad with names. Even worse with matching blogs to names. Even worse with matching blogs to names of people that I have emailed with (perhaps several times even), but never met. Please don't feel offended if while we are chatting, I nervously scan your boobage for your nametag. (That reminds me: No hiding nametags! This isn't CES.) Did I mention that I am really really bad with names.
Also, I don't give a rat's ass about cliques, clubs, the in-crowd of any of that junior high bullshit.
I do give a rat's ass about podcasting and vlogging, mommyblogging as a radical act, and technology and gender. I also give a rat's ass about cocktail parties and finding out about the "Healthy break sponsored by Weight Watchers." ("Omigod! I can't believe those snacks were only 1 point each!...Where are the cookies?")
Now, I give you:
Ten Things I Will Do To Prepare For BlogHer:
1. I will remind my husband about 3,472 times between now and Friday morning that he agreed to work from home that day. He will forget and he will give me a despondent look as he dials in to work to tell them that he will be working from home that day.
2. I will check in with the babysitters that I have lined up to cover the pre-parties to make sure that they get to my house in plenty of time for me to make the hour plus trek (with traffic) down to San Jose.
3. I will attempt to do the pilates DVDs that I ordered off the TV then decide that they ain't gonna do jack shit in 5 days so I will put them back on their dust-outlined spot on the shelf.
4. I will clean the diapers, goldfish detritus, and bag of "toddler restaurant distractions" out of my purse so that my laptop will fit in it and pray that I am not the only dork bringing my laptop with me.
5. I will try not to wear anything that will cling to my ass after all that sitting. (I'm serious. No looking at anyone's asses! Ass-viewing is strictly verboten. BlogHer's unofficial tagline should be: "Eyes Up Here!")
6. I will (hopefully) get a haircut, but will have to live with the fucking gray hairs until my next coloring appointment which isn't for two more weeks.
7. I will mentally prepare for four days of driving to San Jose in a row (for various and sundry Blogher-related schtuff.)
8. I will drive past the Sand Hill Road exit off I-280 fighting the urge to pull off for a quick shopping stop at Stanford Shopping Center, the mall of my childhood.
9. I will make a last ditch effort to see if anyone needs a ride. (Anyone? Email me.)
10. I will tell myself (repeatedly) that my kids are in my babysitter's and/or my husband's capable hands and that I should chillax and have fun.
See you there!