It's been two weeks since I set some plans in motion to shake things up around here. And shake I did. I looked long and hard at my life, talked things over at J., and decided that that working full time was the thing that had to give. So I quit my job. It's a good thing, really. I couldn't do that work-at-home/stay-at-home "juggle" anymore, and it's a relief to just finally be able to accept it already.
I'm closing things out today. Work will be just fine without me, but my kids—who are still small—won't. I didn't want to couldn't be absent from them anymore. And, boy, do we have some fun planned for the Fall and Winter. Call it making up for lost time.
Linda Hirschman would surely frown upon my decision, but I surely don't give a hoot. When it comes to spending time in front of my computer or spending time with my kids, I'm choosing kids. Easy-peasy. Absolutely no regrets. Not a one. I'm not "opting out," I'm "opting in." I've been opting out all summer: opting out of playing and being a fully-present mom and feeling guilty and sad about it. Now, I'm opting in for volunteering in my kids' classrooms and packing lunches and cheering from the soccer field sidelines and enjoying my kids' childhoods before I miss one second more.
And strangely or magically, freelance opportunities—manageable ones I can accept or refuse on my own terms—have been springing up all around me. Which just goes to show that you have to loosen the grip sometimes. But I'm not ready to tackle that now. Right now I just want to be with my girls and chill out for a while.
Now, when I go to pick up my daughters from school, all I am thinking about is how their days went. Nothing more. And, I'm sleeping soundly (like a rock, actually) for the first time in a long, long time.
These days, I'm happy to report I'm feeling groovy. More than groovy, in fact. It's like I'm on cloud nine. Life with the girls, being their mom, feels like it's supposed to be. J. has also been so sweet and supportive and agrees this move was long over due. I'm so happy that I made this decision before school started for both girls so that I could be fully present and enjoy it. I shudder to think how I would have handled it before, and I'm so happy that I'll never have to find out.
My biggest worry right now is how to get from Wallie's preschool to Bunny's kindergarten in under 15 minutes. And that, my friends, is it.
