I wrote this in 2006, and I've been reposting it on this day ever since. Last year I posted it and was feeling hopeful that things were getting better. This year, especially after recent events, I am not so sure. This year I am thinking about the races, cultures, and religions that have been and are still being subjected to senseless discrimination and violence.
As a Korean-Italian, my ancestors didn't escape being treated unfairly. Even if you are white, if you look back far enough, you can probably say the same. Now, more than ever, it's important for me to raise loving-hearted, open-minded children to counteract all the learned hatred and intolerance in this world. I'm especially mindful of that now that we're bringing a third child into this world.
For my girls in rememberance of Heather Ho, a talented pastry chef and shining star from Hawaii.
On September 11, 2001, I was one month away from conceiving you,
Bunny. My biggest priority at that time was creating our family because
we had tried for almost a year to get pregnant with you. Who knew that
during a time of such immense sorrow, when people everywhere retreated
to the safe, warm cocoons of their homes, we would create you?
Bunny and Wallie, up until that day, your father and I and everyone else in the world
was living in a dream. When I say "dream" I don't mean that everyone's
life was full of lollipops and rainbows and that there was no sadness
and no one struggled. I say a dream because now, five six seven eight nine years after that
day, the world is a very difference place. I'm sad about this. I might
always be, a little bit. It's because I mourn what happened on that
day, but I also mourn times past. The world wasn't always like this.
Our lives, all of our lives, will never be the same again.
Something very bad happened on that day.
I'm not trying to scare you, my loves. I want you both to know that
your father and I will try to shelter and protect you from evil, bad
things for as long as we can. But soon you will be big, and you will
begin to understand the world around you. We hope that you will look at
it and always see the potential for good. Bunny and Wallie, it's up to
you and those of your generation to forge ahead and try to mend this
shattered world. Or least pick where we left off.
Our broken world wasn't always like this.
There was once a time when I could sit on a plane without furtively
scanning the faces of everyone boarding, feeling nothing but shame for
doing so.
In fact, there was a time when we never had to take off our shoes to
get on a plane and we could take all manner of liquids and gels on
board. Also, pilots used to sometimes come out of the cockpits and
walk up and down the aisles to stretch their legs. I used to love
seeing them, and I especially loved when one of them was a woman.
There was once a time when I would be able to sit in a crowded
theater and not think, "Look at all the people in here...together, in
one place... What if...?"
There was once a time when I could walk into my favorite restaurant
and didn't have to watch the owners regarding me with sadness behind
their eyes, wondering if I was one of those people who thought they
were bad.
There was a time when I didn't have to be the first person to walk
up to the woman (a parent of one of the students in my class) wearing a hijab and abaya at Back-to-School night and
give her a warm handshake and tickle her baby's toes (something I would
have done anyway) to distract her from the rude stares and whispering.
There was a time when I didn't have images of big planes flying into
big buildings and people holding hands falling from windows and
distraught loved-ones clutching photos and pregnant widows etched into
my memory forever. Who could even imagine such horror?
There was a time when I didn't have to think about what the last
moments of a talented pastry chef who just moved to New York from San
Francisco to work in a restaurant high in the sky must have been like.
There was a time when 2,700+ people from 90 countries from all different religions—even Muslim—were alive and well and their families and friends were whole.
There was time when I didn't worry so much.
That time ended nine years ago today. That time—no matter how hard
times were—was like a beautiful dream to me. And, girls, I so wish you
could have known it.
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