CityMama™

SF Peninsula/Silicon Valley Community Note: Solidarity Vigils to Protest Passing of Prop. 8

Candlelight vigils in support of the right to marry and in protest of the passage of Proposition 8 will be held throughout the peninsula and south bay on Monday, November 10, from 5:00pm-6:30pm. "Standing on the Side of Love" is the theme for these prayerful, peaceful witnesses in solidarity with same sex couples who are being denied basic civil rights through Proposition 8. Families, students, allies, people of faith, of conscience and of compassion are encouraged to attend.

Locations of vigils include Palo Alto at the corner of El Camino Real and Embarcadero, Redwood City at El Camino and Jefferson Ave., Belmont at El Camino and Ralston Ave. (on Caltrain side of street), and San Mateo at El Camino and Fifth Ave., San Jose at S. Bascom and Hamilton Ave., San Jose in front of the Metropolitan Community Church at 65 South 7th Street. For the most up-to-date list of gathering places and links to maps see http://www.councilofchurches-scc.org.

There is no proposition that can be passed, no law that can be written, and no constitutional amendment that can be added which can ever truly deny the love and commitment between two people. We cannot be silent when the rights of anyone are eliminated. Now is the time to stand on the side of love.

Participants are invited to bring candles, rainbow flags, and banners from communities of faith if they wish.

Family Closed: Will return on Monday

This week I've been thinking a lot about how precious the time that my family spends together as a whole family is. We rarely eat dinner together during the week because my husband works start-up hours and often isn't home until after the girls go to bed.  Their early schedule doesn't help matters. They are hungry for dinner between 5:00 pm and 5:30 pm and begging to be put to bed starting at 6:30. I do my best to distract them with stories until 7:00 pm or else I fear going to bed too early will mean they'll be up at 6:00 am. So J. comes home, peeks in on them, gives them kisses they won't remember in the morning, and eats his dinner alone.

The nights he does get home in time for bedtime, the usual calmness of our bedtime story time is interrupted by excited squeals and shrieks of, "Papa! Papa!" There's no keeping the girls in bed when they hear his key in the lock. I feign annoyance, playing bad cop and shooing the girls finally to bed, but not before J. has constructed an elaborate ruse (never the same twice) to get them into bed, "Meow like a kitty all the way to your room while hopping, then get under your covers and bark like a dog. First one in bed who does those things gets five extra kisses," he says. "I'm gonna be first," they giggle. My heart explodes with happiness and love from the cuteness of it all.

Mornings used to be family time together every day, but a couple nights a week, J. has to return to the office or data center for late night work and when that happens we let him sleep in.  It's hard being "on" from 7:20 am (when I get up) until 7:00 pm when the girls go bed especially since I work from home and am also the biker to school, the carpool driver, school and church volunteer, swimming lessons shuttle-er (twice a day on Thursdays), and go-to playmate, but I try to remember that this schedule won't last forever.

That's why the time we actually get to spend together, usually on the weekend, is so sacred.

The saga of the swimming lessons

Here's the thing that frustrates me about large group lessons (more than 4 kids): kids spend most of their time waiting around to do the strokes or whatever rather than doing them themselves. And while they are waiting around they aren't paying attention, they waiting around bored. Or they are chatting with their friends or splashing each other and otherwise screwing off. Or so it was all winter long at the Y when my girls did their lessons last year. Teacher's fault? Partly, but beyond 3-4 students, how much time can the instructor realistically give each student in a 40 minute lesson?

Last summer and this summer they had 1:1 lessons with a competition swimmer, a seasoned instructor, someone who knows her shite. They did this every single day they spent in Hawaii. After their lessons I practiced with them and each day they grew exponentially better and more confident with their skills. I am now a firm believer that large group lessons do not work if you want your kid to progress quickly as a swimmer, especially as it relates to proper swimming technique. I guess it's like anything.

Now that we are back from Hawaii, we are still spending lots of time in the pool, but since Bunny wants to do swim team this fall, I have been in search of lessons that match my philosophy of swimming, that philosphy being: Stop being a baby and swim, goddammit. Not that I would ever say that out loud. I'm grilling everyone, "Do you like your lessons?" "Why?" "How many kids are in your class?" "Is the pool heated?" "Are your kids making quick progress?"

Food, no-so glorious, food

Recently J. and I have been having passing conversations about food, what it costs, and how we want to feed our family. It started because I notice that every time we go to the farmer's market together, he's a total grump (yes, you are @theJB, don't EVEN try to front) when he sees his 60 fresh-from-the ATM machine dollars whittled down to zero dollars in a matter of 20 minutes. It is startling, but since I am the one that normally does the shopping, it doesn't phase me as much. I know what we are buying is exactly what we need and that it's things that my girls will eat. They help to choose our produce and I'm teaching them to support their local food growers, their local community. J. and I don't exactly see eye-to-eye on this subject. In fact, I'm realizing we have two divergent opinions on the matter.

Me:
I like to shop at farmer's markets for organic, locally grown produce. I do the cooking so I should have the most say. I read Michael Pollan and Barbara Kingsolver and don't want to feed my kids genetically modified foods or tainted beef. Plus, rainbow chard makes a pretty picture in the morning sun. See?

Him:
"Giant packs of frozen burritos are BOGO at Safeway! That's 20 burritos for five bucks! That's lunch for, like, two weeks! Michael who?"

"But I like shopping at the farmer's market because everything is fresh and organic,"  I'll say.

"And I like Safeway because it's cheap," he'll counter.

The thing is, he's right. He is. But I want to be right, too. Though, when I find myself noticing the "pretty chard," I have to stop my visual-learning-self and say, "You sound like an idiot."  Shopping at farmer's markets is expensive, hell, it's a luxury, and we live in one of the most expensive communities in the entire country. You can make six figures here and still never feel "wealthy." So how do we strike a balance?

Silicon Valley PSA: Come learn about dessert and cocktails, I mean blogging! Yes, blogging! At Cubes and Crayons in Menlo Park!

Recently a new co-working space opened near me, and while I was working there this week (while Wallie happily played in the child development center) I had to pause and look around at my private, quiet, window office and wonder, "Where were you two years ago Cubes and Crayons! If you had been around you could have saved me a Wellbutrin prescription or three!"

Ah, but that was then, and this is now, and Felicity Chapman deserves a big, huge, group hug for starting Cubes and Crayons. Now that I am working again, I am doing it right this time. No more trying to juggle working at home only to make everyone miserable and cranky. Me because of the constant interruptions, the girls because they want to play not be ignored. And look! No 'scrips this time!

Not only did I get so. much. work. done. when I was there, all the other mothers working there looked happy and productive, too. Why? Because they were working in peace and quiet in a beautifully appointed private office and their sweet babies were napping or playing down the hall.  Brilliant. Thank you, thank you, Felicity.

On that note...

If you live in Silicon Valley and want to learn more about blogging (how to get started, how to get motivated, security issues, how blogging relates to social media etc.) please come to a blogging workshop next week at Cubes and Crayons! I'm going to be on a panel along with the lovely and talented Jill Asher and others, and it will be moderated by Elisa Camahort, BlogHer co-founder and COO.

I'd love to see you there! And maybe for drinks after? Here are the details:

Worst "Carma" Ever

Since we bought our car a little over a year ago...

• we've had to replace a cracked windshield to the tune of 6 Benjamins
• it's been rear-ended by a drunk taxi driver (his insurance paid to fix it)
• the passenger side door was scratched/dinged by a hit-and-run driver (we don't know when it happened since we rarely drive the car)

And, this morning, our neighbor backed into the driver's side door. Merry Christmas to us.

Funnily enough not a thing happened to it when we lived in San Francisco and parked it on the street every night.  All of the above happened while living here. So I guess not everything about the 'burbs is idyllic.

#$%@!!!!

Sometimes I just can't help myself...

but you knew that already.

And to bring it back to food: we're having Chinese takeout for dinner. You know, to celebrate "global cooling."

I'm now a Daisy troop co-leader and J. is an assistant soccer coach.

We're both entranced by the commercials for the new 2008 Chrysler Town and Country. You know, the one with the seats that swivel around to face the "game table?"

I think we may be taking this 'burbs thing a little too far.

The Kindergarten Way

Bunny has decided that, in kindergarten, girls and boys just can't get along. Oh sure, boys can maybe sit next to girls at lunch (like one particular boy she talks about regularly who seems to have a reprieve), but only if they are "silly."  Other than that, girls just "don't like boys." It's just better to keep the two groups separate.

Which is a shame, because there are some adorable and sweet boys in her class, and I so would like to invite them for playdates and things. As it stands, in Bunny's world at the moment, playdates are strictly girl-on-girl action. (hee!) And that's alright.

I'm starting to realize (thanks to kindergarten) that playdates with their anticipation and excitement of sharing your world with a new friend—and then even with the conflicts that may arise and the resulting problem-solving—are the earliest and purest forms of community-building.

My very first podcast

Recently I had the pleasure of participating in a podcast for Electronic Gaming Monthly with Jenny Lauck, Shane Bettenhausen, and Jennifer Tsao about the Nintendo Wii. Apparently there is some controversy in the gaming world surrounding Wii's strategy to court so-called Alpha Moms (an advertising term for supposed influential moms) to promote their gaming system. Listen in (click the 9/3 podcast on EGM Live) and see what's it all about. We're part of the second segment beginning at around the 21:27 minute mark.

In case you can't tell us apart, Jenny is the funny one and I'm the one that pauses awkwardly and says "Um" and "I mean..." a lot. /cringe.

Jenny also wrote it up more brilliantly that I ever could on Three Kid Circus.

And, yes, my DS is still in its box.