Wow, this post sure pissed off the anti-child contigent who say lovely things like "die breeders," if I get pregnant I should give myself and abortion with a "rusty coat hanger," and "you (parents) should all be killed with a chainsaw," therefore comments are closed (something I think I've only done once before). Note: this pool isn't
at an exercise club or a spa, this is a complex where the pool (as the rules state)
is for everyone's enjoyment. Not all the people in the class were elderly, just the ones being jerks, and we've put up with their crankiness and stink-eye for years. When we see people swimming laps, we move
to the side. When adults are in a circle talking we move away so we
don't bother them. We keep the kids quiet so as not to disturb the
people relaxing and tanning, but we're "entitled" and others who don't
provide the same courtesy aren't? Yeah.
As stated in the title, this is a rant. If you don't like rants, don't read this post.
Every morning we've waited patiently in the shallow end of the pool for your "water aerobics" class to finish. We haven't complained once that we're penned in by your flock which takes up almost the entire pool for over an hour while you bounce and twist in waist-deep water and talk about what kind of Chinese food you ate last night under the guise that you are "exercising."
I'd love to be able to swim laps or even get to the deep end without having to get out of the pool, walk around it and get in on the other side because you stretch yourselves out across the entire width of the pool.
We've ignored your dirty looks when our children accidentally splash you because they are having fun. We remind not to kick near you or jump in near you, but they are young. They don't always remember to be as courteous as we'd like them to be. Plus, you're in a friggin' pool.
I fully realize that most of the people in the complex don't have young children, and you aren't used to seeing them in the pool all year. But in the summer and in the winter, when children and grandchildren come to visit, the thing they want to do most in get into that pool and swim.
So when one of you pinched, cackling hens muttered under your breath that you'd "sure like to call security on the kids and have them kicked out of the pool," you betchyerass we went off on you. All I can say is you are lucky that I needed to take Bunny on a bathroom run and it wasn't me.
When I came out and my brother was telling you (as politely as he could muster) that you were (essentially) being assholes, I was delighted. It was long overdue. When he asked you if you remember what it was like being kids and you stared as if you had no idea what he was talking about,
I wanted to line you up along the side of the pool and force you to do cannonballs. I know you are old, but you're not that old. After all, you slip on your sensible-legged suits and get your wrinkled asses into the pool every day.
As for the Bird Lady with the "Irish menopause haircut"* and receding chin (a.k.a. the woman who made the bitchy "security guard" comment). You were nosing around the pool today (as you have done for years) while we—along with about 6 other kids—were having a fanfuckingtastic time. I'm sure you hated the fact that when the security guard walked by on his rounds and Bunny and Wallie waved "Hi Police Officer!" (as they do every day), he replied with a warm "Aloha, kids!"
Maybe it's time for some of you to revisit the movie Cocoon.
*Another brilliant term coined by my friend Bad Kitty to describe that short, "no muss, no fuss" haircut that "women of a certain age" tend to get.
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