CityMama™

Blogalicious '09: Wish I could just bottle up this feeling and take it with me everywhere

I've been busy for the past couple of weeks getting ready to attend the Blogalicious Conference in Atlanta. My company, Clever Girls Collective, was an official sponsor and hosted one of the parties which was such a blast! (More on that in another post!)

Swag bags in the Clever Girls Suite--We match the swank decor!

When I first heard about Blogalicious, I knew I wanted to attend, but to be able to be there as a partner--to help to support the efforts of Justices Jones, Fergie and Ny--was a distinct honor. Their vision became a reality last weekend and every aspect of the conference, down to the very last detail, was a reflection of their grace, wisdom, community-building skills, and, most importantly, welcoming and generous spirit.

Panel session on social media basics

I made new friends that I can't wait to see again.

My soul was filled by seeing old friends and being able to just bask in their presence without feeling hurried or rushed or interrupted.

I saw incredible beauty. Everywhere.

I shared smiles that I will remember for a long, long time.

I had inspiring conversations with so many women that my brain hasn't stopped spinning long enough yet for me to process (and act upon) everything I heard.

I delivered opening remarks about where we've come since 2007 when a marketer famously told me regarding reaching out to women of color, "We just don't know what to do with you" to an audience empowered to foment change. (The take-away after this weekend: Look out, marketers.)

I witnessed the generosity and camaraderie that make small women's conferences so great and can't stop thinking that niche conferences are the way to go.

For a weekend, I was immersed in a world that felt right and real and like home and I can't wait for next year.

Types of Silicon Valley Parents

Adding to MetroDad's hilarious and spot-on list, these parents are particular to the area where I live.

THE CO-OP PRESCHOOL MOM
Species: Waldorfus Granolus
Signature Behavior: Taking notes on kids' behavior while playing, pulling "healthy snacks" out of reusable hemp bags, coaxing kids to sip homemade almond milk from washed-out jelly jars, talking loudly about how much she enjoys being in the classroom everyday, all day, with her four-year-old. ("I'm learning everyday, too!!") Attending a 100 hours-worth of parent ed workshops a month.
Distinctive Markings: Go-cup with two tea bags hanging out of it, stack of positive parenting books + Mothering and Brain, Child magazines, fleece vest, Teva sandals, kids with gender-neutral hair.
Natural Enemies: Soho Moms (or in SF they'd be "Laurel Heights" Moms), working moms, anyone with a life
Mating Call: "Honey, I see that you are frustrated because that boy pushed you. What are you feeling right now? Tell me so I can acknowledge and validate it. Let's go sit with that boy and we can share our feelings and hopefully come to a resolution that everyone feels good about."

THE TECHMAMA
Species: Twitterus Mater
Signature Behavior: Treos chirping with Twitter updates, listening to conference calls on mute, surfing internet on cell phone, seeking out playgrounds near WiFi hotspots.
Distinctive Markings: Decidedly uncorporate attire, Blackberries/Treos, diaper bags that also contain laptops + extra battery, large coffee, kids saying "Mom, watch this!" seventeen times before Mom looks up from her screen.
Natural Enemies: Luddite parents
Mating Call: "@ Grace Davis I'm at park with kids. U going 2 Cybersalon?"

THE MILLIONAIRE MOM

Species: Googlus Stockus
Signature Behavior: Talking about building, buying, or remodeling a home.
Distinctive Markings: Mercedes R-class, Porsche SUV or plebeian Prius, permatan, perfectly pedicured toes, Juicy Couture sweatsuit, Burberry accessories.
Natural Enemies: MSN, Yahoo, or Microsoft parents
Mating Call: "We're putting in recycled bamboo flooring, a wind-powered hot tub, and a stove that cooks with solar energy. I've also frozen my eggs in case a surrogate wants to have kids for me someday."

THE GEEK DAD
Species: Homo Citymama Husbandus
Signature Behavior: Squinting at Crackberry, taking calls at inappropriate times, obsessively checking phone to see if it works because no one called in the last 5 minutes.
Distinctive Markings: Stained obscure tech conference schwag t-shirt, slept-in pants, Croc flip-flops
Natural Enemies: Sales and marketing guys, Sys Admins, Coach Dads/Jocks, wives with "honey do" lists
Mating Call: "THE NETWORK'S DOWN! Come on, kids! I know we just got here, but I gotta take you home so I can run to the data center!!! Hurry up! Wait... Where's Wallie?"

Link Love

Opened the paper yesterday to see Maya's Mom CEO Ann Crady on the cover of San Francisco Magazine.  Way to go, Ann and everyone at Maya's Mom! And a big high-five to Sarah Eisner (Maya's Mom MomsRising Group founder) for her activism. I attended the MomsRising house party she organized via Maya's Mom, and it was a life-changing experience.

Moms can change the world.

Virtual Baby Shower. With Booze.

*Clunk* Where should I put this case of champagne? Cuz baby showers need booze no matter what those "experts" at What to Expect You're Expecting say.

*Pop* Here. Here's your glass. I'd like everyone reading to raise your glasses and toast some fiiiiine expectant laydeez: Liz of Mom-101, Christina of A Mommy Story, and (first-timer!) Tammie of Soul Gardening.

Congrats to you all! I don't know the other women as well as I know Liz, and when I say "know" I mean, we chatted at BlogHer just long enough for me to think, "Man. This lady has smarts and spunk and is nice to boot." At that time I had already been a huge fan of her witty writing and she was just getting Cool Mom Picks—one of my favorite sites ever—off the ground.  By the way, Liz, when you and Kristen started CMP, about a thousand mommy bloggers all went, "Damn. That was my idea."

Over the years we've emailed back and forth mainly about bloggy things because I value your opinion and your ideas. When I have a question about something and/or need to bounce an idea off of someone, you are one of my Top 5 "go-to" people. I like to think that because of people like you and the women who put together this baby shower, the parenting blogosphere is a better place—not only for the people who write the blogs, but for the people who read them, too. Not to get all "Oprah" on you, but you are "A Force" in all the best senses of the word. I appreciate that you are always willing to listen, help, and share.

Anyway, Liz, you are about to become a parent of two, and I have two very important things to tell you:

1. Target sells both white and red sangria in cute little boxes.  The boxes make it easy for you to stack them in your fridge, kitchen cupboards and/or garage.

2. The sangria pairs nicely with a small white pill that rhymes with "That-a-man." Just don't plan on operating any heavy machinery for about 10 hours. Some days, especially when the baby is about 2.5-years-old (aka "Wallie's age"), you're gonna need something to knock your ass out, and you'll remember this.

Take that for what you will and remember, I am not a medical professional.

Okay, so I was asked to give you (and the other women) some real advice and here it is:

When torn between who give attention to, the baby or Thalia, give it to Thalia. The baby won't remember being ignored.

I can't tell you much comforting I found this. Wallie probably cried a little more and a little longer than Bunny did, but I never regretted for a moment letting her wait a minute or two while I attended to Bunny's needs. In the end it works to your advantage because once you can finally circle back to the baby to nurse/feed or change a diaper, you will be able to do it in relative peace because you've already snacked up the toddler and parked her in front of the tv. That's the idea anyway.

The second piece of great advice I received was to have a date night with Thalia once a week. (After you figure our a routine with the baby.) Bunny and I went out for dessert then went to our weekly library bedtime story time. I really looked forward to the one-on-one time with Bunny and so did she.

As far as ASSvice goes, I really can't think of any. I talked to everyone I knew that had more than one kid before I had Wallie and everyone was so kind. All the advice I received (both solicited and unsolicited) was useful and helpful.

Oh! Get a sling. Everything else you will figure out.

I wish you love love love,
Stefania

P.S. Thank you, Kristen, Julie, Nancy, and Catherine for the invitation!

[photo: Bunny greeting 1-day-old Wallie]

More fun with the whole "hipster parent" thing

No, really!  Stay with me! (Or just scroll down...)  I've really been digging reading all the blog posts in response to James Poniewozick's recent Time article about "hipster parents." (I swear, this is the last I will speak of this, because this horse can't get any deader.)

I read my blogs through Bloglines and whenever I want to read about a particular topic (or research something) I do a Bloglines (or Technocrappi) search.  Type in "hipster parent" into the Bloglines search bar and so many thoughtful blog posts surface.

Here are a few of my favorite posts on this tired (and soon-to-be-tired-er) subject:

• To know Asha Dornfest is to love Asha Dornfest.  And how can you not love this oldie but goodie?
• Ditto for Pierre Kim (though we've never met).
• Since she was quoted in the article, Rebecca responds, and brilliantly, I might add.

This subject has brought out the best in bloggers, but it's funny how much this issue pisses people off. 

In reading through the posts one theme emerges, and it's true, parents are just trying to do the best they can. It's not about parents putting themselves first, it's about parents trying to retain some sense of self in order to be better parents, because in the end, it's about the children, people.

Finally, I'd like to leave this issue behind with:

10 reasons why I will never be mistaken for a hipster parent.

1. I have no idea who the Misfits are.  I've seen the t-shirts but...yeah. They don't ring a bell.  My children don't really wear rock n roll onesies, but they have been known to show their love for a certain someone who "writes the songs that make the whole world sing." And, no, it's not an ironic t-shirt, because I really do love him and I'm proud to share that love with my children.

2. Okay, my kids have seen Laurie Berkner in concert, but I'm positive that my trip to the American Idols Live! concert cancels out any of that "hipster cred." And I am not ashamed to admit that Ace "I Will be Your Father Figure" Young (far right) was my favorite. (Again, with the killing of the hipster cred.)

3. I know the lyrics to more 38 Special, Journey, Styx, and Tubes songs than anyone has a right to. I can sing Chicago, A Chorus Line, Cabaret, and, um, Les Miserables start to finish. I also know the lyrics to a couple of Chilliwack songs. Uh-huh, that's right. I can sing "My Girl." By heart.

4. I go to karaoke bars... with my mom.

5. I take pictures of kimchi. Because I love it. Mmmmmmmm.

6. One of my favorite movies is Clear and Present Danger. We own it, and literally bust it out 3-4 times a year.  And everytime, I watch it like I've never seen it before. (My all time favorite movie, however, is about the quest for the perfect bowl of ramen.)

7. I dislike most music where acoustic guitar is the focus. And I fucking HATE the Beatles.  (Yeah, I said it.)

8. I have never watched an entire episode of the Daily Show, the Colbert Report, the Simpsons, Star Trek, Battlestar Gallactica, Strangers with Candy, Kids in the Hall, The Office, or South Park. I despise animation geared for adults.

9. I prefer American cheese on my burgers and in my grilled cheese sandwiches.

10. When I was in 8th grade, I used to wear a royal blue, puffy, Eddie Bauer, down vest with a "Why Be Normal," button pinned to it. I paired that with a Mr. Zogs Sex Wax long sleeve t-shirt (with the collar cut out), plaid cropped pants, slouch socks, and checkerboard Vans. My bangs were high and crispy. The moment I put on that outfit (and the Sebastian Styling Spritz hit my bangs), any shred of hipster cred I ever had, shriveled up and died.

Martini Moms on The Today Show Again

The subject of cocktail playdates was addressed on the Today Show again this morning. I wrote it up for Strollerderby here.

Melissa also touched on it.

I'm sure the The Today Show was bombarded by emails and letters asking, in essence, "What the fuck?" because they sure changed their tune this morning. For the record, I wasn't that bugged by the previous piece. I did feel like the over all tone was balanced, unfair ambushes aside. 

But today it was the doc that had her back up against the wall.  She changed her tune and suddenly (suprise, surprise) has no problem with a drink at a playdate. And, yes, they did touch on the gender bias issue.

Even Meredith was joking about needing a drink.   My write-up includes a link to the segment in case you missed it, so go watch and let me know what you think.

Man, those blog kids know how to party

The Children's Party Index or How You Know It Was Good Party:

• Number of children who went home with only one shoe on: 1
• Number of sippy cups left behind: 2
• Number of 'Mater jackets left behind: 1
• Number of Hello Kitty hats left behind: 1
• Number of giant plastic pickles left behind (???): 1
• Number of children whose mom will be at Target today buying the Leap Frog Word Whammer: 2
• Number of cupcakes consumed by children who were able to reach them all by themselves: 10 (at least)
• Number of children who changed into jammies (following trend started by these girls) before the game was over: 8
• Number of children who went home wearing a borrowed nightgown: 1
• And a borrowed leotard: 1
• Number of children having a giant pillow fight on our bed: 7
• Number of pillow fight organizers: 1
• Number of "stolen" bottles of wine brought by a mother of 4 children: 1
• Number of sickie-poos who were sorely missed: 2
• Number of children who slept through the night for the first time since moving into new house: 2

Until next year!

Melissa Summers represents "cocktail playdate mamas" on the Today Show

Did you catch the Today Show this morning?  Melissa Summers was on with Meredith Viera discussing the "cocktail playdate" phenomenon. I thought she brought it.

When Melissa told me she was going on the show, I was worried that they'd try to paint those of us that might like to have a cocktail or glass of wine at playdates (no, not every one) as a bunch of irresponsible alcoholics, but my impression was that it was a very balanced segment. (That "babysitter question" was just plain dumb, though.)

The moms they interviewed were all women I'd be happy to have over some afternoon to share a bottle of wine.  And Melissa is right, if you have a problem with that we probably can't be friends. And people that criticize moms who drink responsibly because we're adults, are just looking for an excuse to criticize, well, anything.

The weirdest thing about the segment was all the references to iVillage.  Does NBC have some kind of deal with iVillage? They must.  They polled iVillage users and 57% said they disapproved of cocktail playdates. I bet those numbers would be different if they polled on other parenting sites. (In fact [Meredith Viera], go over to Strollerderby and see what people are saying.) Then, at the end, they pointed viewers to some iVillage blog and not Melissa's blog. That was strange.

But anyway, Melissa: You were spot-on with all your answers.  You seemed relaxed and not-at-all nervous.  I would have had that "shaky-almost-crying" voice the whole time not to mention blood-shot-eyes...from my hangover not sleeping.  And your boots?  Hawt. Way to go, mama!

Blog For Choice Day

Today is "Blog For Choice Day." I found out about it too late (Thanks, Jennifer!) to cobble together a post about why I'm pro-choice, but suffice it to say: I am. The last place I want George W. Bush (and people who think like him) to be is all up in my uterus.

For more information, click here.

Strollerderby: The news and info blog for hip, urban parents

Hey doods!

I'm blogging for a new collaborative blog "magazine" called Strollerderby which launched last night. It's an irreverant and edgy look at all things parenting, and my sides? They hurt from laughing so much.

On Strollerderby I'm blogging alongside some extremely talented and hilarious bloggers including: Patti from Childbearing Hipster, Danny from Dad Gone Mad, Pierre from MetroDad, Alisyn from Salad Days Chronicles, and Dutch from Sweet Juniper. Writing her personal account of motherhood in her own inimitable style is Rebecca of Girl's Gone Child who gives it to you "Straight From The Bottle." Our fearless leader is none other than Jay Allen, The Zero Boss.

The thing I love to do most in this world is blog (have laptop, will travel) and I'm grateful for the opportunity to do it any chance I get.

Check it out, and don't forget to add us to your feed reader!